Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.
Zechariah 4:10
Ever want to go from novice to expert instantaneously?
I do. In most every aspect of my life, I tend to want to only do something if I can do it with excellence and it doesn’t really matter if I’m just learning how to do that thing. I still want to do it with excellence; to be a master at it already. I blame the Enneagram 1 in me (I’m a self-diagnosed 9w1 Enneagram type). A peacemaker at heart and by default but with strong tendencies toward perfectionism.
Translation? It can be oh-so-easy for me to walk away from something that I get a lot of joy, fulfillment and purpose out of simply because it’s new; and I’m not any good at it. I want to be the best at it now. Not in a week, not in a month, not in a year and certainly not in ten years. That’s too long. There’s too much at stake. I could get so much of it “wrong” in the process and that’s just…unacceptable.
Farmer Jo, the flower farmer?
Take flowers as an example. I’m starting to have a bit of a love affair with flowers.
Actually, that’s not true.
I think I’ve had a love affair with them for years but now I’m starting to have a love affair with growing them.
This has been my first year stepping into the world of growing cut flowers. According to Wikipedia, “cut flower” is a generic term used to describe any flower that is cut from the plant bearing it but I’ve found that in the floral industry, the term is primarily used to refer to the flowers that do best in floral arrangements. For example, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a floral arrangement with impatiens cut from the plant whereas flowers like gerberas, ranunculus, roses, dahlias, tulips and sunflowers are but a few of the many, many popular blooms that are used in arrangements regularly.
But then, there is a whole world of foliage and fillers that walk hand-in-hand with the blooms. These guys serve as the “supporting actors” to the blooms’ starring role(s) in an arrangement. And, I gotta be honest, before I started dabbling into cut flowers, I didn’t really pay attention to these guys. It wasn’t until I started helping out with a friend’s floral design business that I realized how much of a difference these supporting actors really make.
Take, for example, this basil that I’m growing this year. Now, it happens to be an interesting and even pretty little plant in and of itself, but pair it with some cut flower blooms and…well…it adds texture and fullness. Then, add in a filler flower like gomphrena and, well, your little bouquet of blooms just stepped into a more interesting arrangement blooms, fillers and foliage! And it the basil makes it smell delightful to boot!
A little bouquet of zinnia blooms 
A little bouquet of zinna & cosmos blooms with gomphrena and basil!
Anyway, it’s been really fun to start learning what it takes to grow these flowers, foliage and fillers. However, I’m not doing as good a job at it as I’d like. I’ve killed off about half of what I’ve attempted to grow, primarily when it comes to the foliage and fillers. I’ve actually had more success with the blooms which surprises me. For some reason, I figured it’d be the other way around. And yet, I’ve still managed to only grow about half the blooms I’ve attempted.
Regardless, I’ve got a lot to learn still – including how to arrange what I grow well! – and I’m trying to remind myself that everyone’s gotta start somewhere.
Arguing with myself
Now, I know.
I know, in my head, that expecting myself to “get it all right, all of the time” right from the start is a bit ridiculous. Nobody is a master at something they’re just starting to learn. I certainly wasn’t a master at violin the day I first held one in my hands. I wasn’t a master at it a year later! And, it’s arguable that I’m a master of it even now, 25+ years later.
But.
That doesn’t mean I know it’s ridiculous in my soul or in that deeper part of me where my default personality type resides, right? This is the part I can find myself having an argument with.
Me: Stop. You’re putting to much pressure on us to “get it right” the first time. Mistakes are how we learn, right?
Myself: Nope. You’re just supposed to know how to do it from the start. No learning allowed.
I: You’re both wrong. We learn by doing. We learn by practicing. And we learn by NOT relying on our own abilities but gleaning from others’ expertise and praying that the Lord bless our efforts.
Ok, that might sound a bit hokey but it’s also true. I have to keep arguing with myself in order to keep trying to improve in areas of my life that I’m not so good at yet. My default is to just walk away and abandon the “new skill.” That way, I don’t have to face my shortcomings and I don’t have to manage the inner conflict facing those short-comings stirs up.
This new-found love of growing cut flowers is just one of those many areas. Could I one day be talented enough in it for it to become a little side hustle? Maybe. But my gut says it’ll probably stay in the hobby space for the foreseeable future. I have to give myself a fighting chance to succeed at my business and this writing thing, allowing one or both of them to provide the income our family needs from me. And I know that putting too many other money-making possibilities in my path is way too tempting for my perfectionist heart to abandon what I’m trying to build right now.
So, for now, the flowers will remain something I do simply for the joy of doing it. Success can look many different ways. And, while “small beginnings” typically refer to the start of some grand venture it can also refer to the beginnings of a smaller venture: a humble little backyard cut flower garden that brings joy, fulfillment and peace to the heart of a restless perfectionist. And I think the Lord rejoices in that just as much as He rejoices in the grandeur successes of our lives.
I’m with you, girl! That perfectionism is a killer. I have to force myself to be okay with “good enough until I learn it,” because I want to be good at it NOW! 🙂
Amen! Hahah!
Wow, I never thought about my own issues with being a perfectionist this way. Totally a different spin to it that has me thinking about things I thought were difficult to learn and what did I abandon because it was going to take too long for me to master.
It certainly does cause one to think, huh? I think we should be careful to assume all of the things we abandoned are related to this perfectionistic quality but it can’t hurt to question them, right? Just for a better understanding of ourselves if nothing else! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Tiffany!