I Need A Strivers Anonymous Group

Hello everyone. My name is Brandi Jo and I’m addicted to striving.

A quick Google search of the term “strive” produces these basic definitions:

• make great efforts to achieve or obtain something
• struggle or fight vigorously
• to devote serious effort or energy
• to struggle in opposition

Many people might see the life I’m living from the outside and think, “what is she complaining about?! She has it made!” Some people will even say, “Gosh, I wish I didn’t have to work and could be a stay-at-home wife in my 30s!” And even others will think, “Where’s her work ethic?! She’s lazy!”

And, while I don’t feel the need to explain myself or this life to anyone, there are times when I wish I could. So, here’s the truth: you have no idea the internal struggle it is for me to live this life. It is much easier for me to work than it is to rest and it is also much more difficult for me to trust than it is for me to strive. You also don’t know the hard work we’ve put in (and continue to put in) to our finances to make it possible for me to stay home.

The Battle Within

There is a constant, never-ending battle between my instincts and my Spirit. My instincts say to get out there and start working again. To do all that I can to dig us out of this financial mess we’re (still) in and set us up for our future. To be “productive.” To use my $40k degree. To put the professional skills that I have to good use. To do whatever it takes to make it happen.

That’s what society says, too. At least to some degree:

• “Make your own dreams come true!”
• “Clean up your own mess!”
• “Nobody’s gonna take care of you but you!”
• “It’s all up to you!”

My Spirit, though. My Spirit says to wait on the Lord. To rest in His presence. To believe that He has a plan to prosper and not to harm my life, a plan for hope and a future. And to trust that He will do whatever it takes to make that plan happen.

And Scripture confirms that perhaps it’s not actually all up to us:

• For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11)
• A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. (Pr. 16:9)
• But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Mt. 6:33)
• Seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.” (2 Pt. 1:3)
• And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Ph. 4:19)
  

My instincts push me to strive while the Spirit within me beckons me to trust.

Hear me. I don’t think striving is inherently negative. Scripture does refer to striving positively. Romans 15:30 (ESV), for example, says “I appeal to you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to strive together with me in your prayers to God….” “Strive” here translates to “contend along with” or “join fervently in” something. In other words, it’s joining with others with the intent of working towards the same goal. Other times that Scripture seems to refer to “striving” in a positive manner all seem to point to God being included in the process and His strength lending the power to succeed.

But, I often strive on my own and in my own strength.

I am addicted to self-reliance. I do not strive together with others nor do I strive with the strength of the Lord. It is so very easy for me to slip into the pattern of making my life goals happen on my own, in my own strength, and without relying on the Lord, or even fellow believers, at all. Especially when it comes to our finances. Instead, I jump in; taking over and doing whatever I think I should and could be doing in order to reach the goals I have in my life. I’m addicted to getting out and “making it happen” even if it means doing something that doesn’t make me happy but does make me money.

And that’s the issue. That’s what makes the work exhausting and unfulfilling.

If there were a twelve step program for people like me, I’d sign up for it in a heartbeat because I don’t want to live this way anymore. I don’t want to carry all of the responsibility of this life on my own anymore. I don’t want to be anxious, fearful, stressed and exhausted anymore. There is more to life than that. There is a balance that allows the life goals to be met while not losing myself in the process.

Finding the Balance

I understand that I can’t just wait around and expect the Lord to provide for us without working ourselves. That’s part of the repercussions of the Fall of Man. There is a level of truth to the “no one else is going to do it but me” mentality.

And I’m not against working.

But I think the Lord is redefining that balance for me. I think He’s redefining what “work” means for me. And I think there is something to be said not only about inviting Him into the work I’m doing and leaning on His strength to complete it, but also about the work I’m doing being the work that He puts before me, not the work I put before myself. In other words, if I’m working at things I’ve decided to do and not the things He’s asked me to do, I’m striving. And I’m setting myself up to be exhausted, unfulfilled and disappointed.

I think anyway.

I need to search Scripture more and maybe even read some others’ thoughts on it all before I am able to more clearly define what I believe.

In the meantime, I turned down another job last week.

And that bugs me.

But it also feels right to me. Because, though I could take the easy way out, start the job and reap the benefits of a relatively stable second income flowing back into our household finances, I know that this particular job would put me back into feeling trapped and searching for something more. The harder road of continuing to wait and trust and rely on the Lord is where I will find true freedom and fulfillment.