“Make Me your job.”
This is the impression I received from the Lord back in April as I pondered, for the millionth time, when and if I could leave my full-time job.
I was at a women’s retreat that my church holds each year. It was the first time I’d attended and, to be honest, I hadn’t even wanted to go. I mean, I did kinda sorta want to go, but…not really. I hadn’t had great experiences with women’s anything – much less retreats, where you’re stuck with a whole slew of women you don’t even know for multiple days and there’s crying and wailing and feelings and…blech…- at churches in the past and I wasn’t too keen on giving it another shot. I was content with my worship team people and life group. I didn’t need a women’s retreat.
…or so I thought.
The theme for the whole stinkin’ thing was “Jump” …as in, jump into. The leadership team had felt that the Lord was calling His daughters into new things and inviting them to jump into those things. I’d ended up at the retreat kind of by accident. Or, rather, God’s providence. A good friemily member of mine had been encouraging me to go for years. This year wasn’t any different except that she was a little more, uh, persistent in her encouragements. Not pushy or annoying but just…wouldn’t stop…encouraging me to go this year. She’d been persisting since the Fall. Anyway, a week before the retreat, she’d arranged for me to go (i.e. paid my registration fee) and seven days later, I found myself on a bus full of very happy women I didn’t know and sitting next to someone I’d never met.
Twenty-four hours into the retreat, I knew my presence there was no accident. And, during one of the individual prayer times, I heard the Lord impress upon me those four words: make Me your job.
Come again? 
I didn’t know what to do with that little phrase then and, to be honest, I’m still not sure what to do with it now. I’m two-and-a-half months into freedom from 8-5 employment but still don’t really have a clue about what to do next. I have ideas and possibilities but, it seems that every time I try to put meat on the bones of those ideas and possibilities, two things happen. First, I am reminded of what the Lord impressed upon me and, second, I feel a distinct pull to do nothing. At least, nothing that is related to so-called “work.”
See, when I left 8-5 work, my intention was not to quit working but to do it in a different capacity. I wanted to work for myself. Doing my own thing, in my own way and on my own terms. I wanted to be self-employed not others-employed. I wanted to be an entrepreneur, not an employee. But, I also had a sneaking suspicion that the season immediately following my departure from employment would be a season of rest and rejuvenation. A season of resetting. And I was ok with that. I mean, why not take a small break, a breather, between one type of work and another? Sounds just fine.
So, after leaving employment at the end of August, I spent all of September doing just that. I traveled for half the month and, overall, did…nothing. I had a couple of photo shoots that had already been scheduled but I didn’t actively work toward booking more shoots. Nor did I worry about trying to work on growing this blog at all in September. I figured I could hit all of that hard come October.
And I did.
I joined a 31-day writing challenge for the blog and decided I’d use it to help me start sorting out how to work hard and rest well in this new season of my life. And, in the meantime, I’d ramp up my marketing efforts for the photography business and try to generate some more clients there.
Doing vs Doing Nothing
But, if you’ll notice, those daily posts for the writing challenge stopped after about day five. I didn’t do a lot to increase my photography client base either. And that’s because it didn’t take long for the first reminder and pull I mentioned above to occur. A little over a week later, I tried again. I mean, I gotta do something, right? I can’t just sit around, watching NCIS, maybe taking care of the house, reading, studying Scripture, weeding the yard or any of the many other non-income-producing things that, I guess, technically are something but are also kind of nothing.
I mean, they aren’t going to help our financial situation improve.
They aren’t work.
Doing nothing is not doing anything. And I don’t do well with not doing anything. I’ve been a doer my whole life. Doing equals progressing. Doing equals improving. Doing equals accomplishing. Doing equals being responsible. Not doing equals…well…being irresponsible. Not doing equals being lazy. And I’m terrified of being seen as lazy or, worse, actually becoming lazy.
And yet, each time I try to do I feel the reminder and pull: focus on Me; be. And I’m starting to wonder if the not doing maybe doesn’t equal being irresponsible and lazy. At least, not automatically. Maybe not doing just equals being. Period.
A little lost
I don’t have any answers, at this point. I honestly feel a little lost. This new season of life I’ve entered doesn’t look anything like what I thought it would. Not yet. And there’s a tickling in the back of my mind that it might not ever look like I thought it would.
But, I think it’s a good lost, if there can be such a thing. I think, once I make way through the lostness – and I am confident that I will with God and with time – I will find myself in a place I never could have imagined. One that is so much better than what I thought.
Until then, I will (continue to) press into the Lord about His call to make Him my job and focus on being more than doing.
It’s the only thing I know to do.
??????
Love your story of letting God be the boss
You just told my story! I have no answers right now, either. I look forward to seeing what we discover!
It’s nice to find people on a similar road as you, huh? Here’s to the Lord revealing His plan to us as He wishes!
Love that you found your calling in life! I cant believe how much time I used to waste doing mindless things so I can totally relate to be a doer now!
Euch. Mindless things and I can be best friends sometimes, haha! But I’m getting better at doing less of them. Thanks for stopping by!
I am a doer! and funny how G-d pushes you where He wants you to be!
Right?! I may not be sure exactly where we’re headed but, if He’s directing, it’s gotta be somewhere good…right?! Thanks for stopping by!
I love it! I have learned…Gods plan is always better than my own. Sometimes its just so hard waiting but it will be worth the wait.
Agreed! Thanks for stopping by!
This is great. Sometimes its best to sit back, do nothing, and just listen.
Agreed! Best, but not always easiest! At least for me. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
God’s plan is always best and He can see all the way to the end of things, even though we only see (sometimes) q step at a time. I’m kind of in the same season right now, I graduated from college (at 46) last December and I’m just not sure where I’m going. But, God knows, and that’s what counts.
Congrats on the graduation!! What an accomplishment! Praying for clear direction for you in this new season!
A wonderful post that reflects on the fact that even though I feel I’m a doer and in control, my life is constantly changing and directed down the right path. Thank you 🙂
My pleasure! I’m convinced being a “doer” isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I just have to remember that’s also not the only thing.
Wonderful post with some wonderful reminders!
Thanks. 🙂
Been there. I think that at each stage of our life – whether it is because of some change made or that we make – we tend to get a little lost. I have worked for myself for most of my life and over the years have had to make changes (a house full of kids vs no kids around at all) I think I was actually more productive when their were kids around vs now when I’m all alone. Yes, like you I sometimes just take a breather and I find when I do that I am super productive after. When our daughter left for college 4 years ago I felt absolutely lost. Not sure why, not much changed; I still worked full time at home, my husband stilled traveled, she was pretty self sufficient those last few years so it wasn’t like I was mothering much. But that change; not being a full time Mom anymore was huge for me and I struggled; I guess to figure out what my role was then. It took awhile to find my new groove. And then I changed again – I quit my full time marketing job (from home) to Blog – and again felt a little lost! Like why am I making such a huge change and doing something I’m not sure how to do when I was doing something I did know? But I guess the answer for me is : the challenge! It keeps my mind fresh and its fun. Good luck and remember if you have the opportunity to take the time to find what you do best and when – take it!
Thank you for this! It’s very encouraging to read. I hope you find this newest change in your life to be fulfilling and fruitful!
Keep believing and keep listening! Something will come out!
Thank you!
I’m kind of in a similar situation. I’m at home full time with my toddler and newborn now, and my maternity leave is my time to really get my blog going. But with a brand new baby and a demanding 2 year old, it’s hard to do that and everything else that needs to be done. My goal this weekend is to sit down and come up with a plan for the coming week so I can hold myself accountable. Best of luck in your ventures!
Ditto! Praying you find the time needed for the things that are needed.
I need to spend more time just listening and not feeling like I am moving to be moving
Agreed!
What’s that saying “you make plans…and God laughs”. Sometimes it’s better to just listen in the first place.
Yep! I’m working on that listening thing more and more as I get older. Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks for sharing your journey! When God asks us to be still and wait it can be difficult. I pray he shows you the next step soon!
Thank you! I appreciate that.
I am a doer as well. My prayers are often for God to help me recognize the path he has planned for me; my fears are usually that I’m creating that path in my impatience!
HAH! Oh, how I can relate! Patience is not one of my strongest virtues. Though, I think (hope!) I’m getting better at it!
Have you tried mediation? If the internal push is to stop doing and be still, maybe it’s actually a need to let your brain roam free of distraction. Try giving yourself 10 minutes of quiet time every morning for a week and see where it takes your brain!
I meditate on Scripture off and on but haven’t made it a regular part of my life yet. Perhaps I’ll give it a shot! Thanks for the suggestion!!
I am a doer. When I was laid off in April 2017 it shocked my world. I had prayed that if God wanted me to leave the company a start a blog, I would be one of the lay off’s. Be careful what you pray for! LOL. But, I get up every day and “work” for the same 8-10+ hours that I did before, but am so much more fulfilled by it.
Love that! I pray that your efforts are abundantly blessed! And I’m so glad you find more fulfillment…that’s worth more than any salary, I think. ;p
God has a plan for each of us. We may make plans, but His timing is always perfect.
Amen! Thanks for stopping by!
Not always easy to hear God’s calling for us. Something to think about.
Agreed. Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you for sharing this post. I wish you success in this. I believe that we are put places in life that makes us realize the path we should take.
Love this! I’m not much of a “women’s group” kind of a girl either, but love it when God speaks above that and directly into our hearts. Glad you heard what He had to say. I was looking for that earlier in the year, as well ~ the whole thing about quitting my full time + job……haven’t regretted a moment since He made it so clear. Good luck!